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✧✦✶✷Catherine✷✶✦✧

plot twist: the thing you love is the destruction of your mental health, and you went into IT *because* you were already into self-harm. IT simply provided a convenient, deniable avenue in which to express said need for self-harm
mastodon.social/@ErisCaffee@ma

my experience in IT has *markedly* improved when i stopped putting up with bullshit and knowingly made a few enemies thru choice. i was already suicidal, so the additional risk didn't really register, and the outcome speaks for itself: i am no longer suicidal and i'm pretty okay with my job as it currently goes

it did take a few years and some bogus legal threats from an abusive past employer and some other things, but like, you are *already* into extreme self-harm. what do you have to lose? the illusory stability? the friends you sacrifice everything for while they either tell you to stop in frustration, or turn a blind eye and use your position to their ends?

@whitequark Look the stability is great, I just have to suffer through the crippling anxiety that I don’t know what I’m doing, my job description doesn’t describe what my boss wants me to do, my skip level knows who I am but wonders why my job desc tasks don’t get accomplished, and woop now I’m on my fifth new manager since annual performance evaluation last year.
(That year was… not good)

@whitequark By the way, don’t know if your ruby parser is you being pretty okay at your job, but it was a lovely rabbit hole to fall into (starting from syntax themes in helix). I appreciate you. Even if my phone has decided to autocorrect to shitequark.

@josephholsten oh nice! that was so long ago, it was before all the abusive employer bullshit

@whitequark I have a theory that since adding more engineers slows down a project, startups exist as a bitcoin-style proof-of-work / conspicuous-consumption engine to demonstrate wealth by having the largest possible number of people suffer for no gain

@whitequark oof. Thanks for the psychic damage (which is further support of your point, since I’m pretty sure that was a healing action)

@yomimono I am known to project splash and area-of-effect damage like that, yep <.<

@whitequark @yomimono But why does it have to apply stun on top of that?

@whitequark in veterinarian medicine the work harms us directly, which i find much more efficient

@whitequark the vibes are in shambles, but i hear it's not so bad some places. "remote" if you can get it just means "on site in multiple locations"

my partner finishes her BSN in a year. i think I'll feel better about it when I'm not relying on this field to feed my family, when i can set better limits.