the delta boarding taxonomy is some real celestial emporium shit. pre-boarding, families, active military, first class, gold medallion, silver medallion, tungsten sphere, SKY, unaccompanied children, accompanied children, zone 1, anyone named "larry," zone √2, zone 2, et cetera, zone 3, people who have already boarded, minor and outlying zones
This feels very douglas adamsian in a good way lol
@aparrish
Those that belong to the emperor,
Suckling Pigs,
Those that, at a distance, resemble flies
@selfsame i always bring a flower vase with me whenever i travel by air. if you break it at just the right moment you automatically get bumped to first class
@aparrish then finally after all that, they have a zone of 3 people that I somehow always end up in
@aparrish "minor and outlying zones"
@aparrish Alaska Air is similar, but they add sport team fans wearing the teams logos boarding before mileage people
@aparrish My single favorite part of this is how I can buy like a good half of the ones you added because the actual list is already so ridiculous
@aparrish There’s also zone 4, known also ★★★★, where if you’re lucky you get to sit in the last row, beside the economy class restroom and beneath the crew’s luggage.
@aparrish I've almost made it to tungsten. I can taste it. Metallic, gleaming like the sun off the wing or the shine of the Coca-Cola commercial you're obliged to watch before flying
@jeffcutsinger it would actually be more interesting if the boarding agents were using the system to carry out their personal vendettas. as it stands they seem almost as bored and frustrated by the system as the passengers are
@aparrish I cannot tell which of these are real.